$floatcFile = "/www/wwwroot/xin_floatAdc.txt"; 清风杀手(北派炜哥)_第二来的幽默段子(2 / 2)_清风杀手最新章节免费阅读无弹窗_新笔趣阁

第二来的幽默段子(2 / 2)

清风杀手 北派炜哥 0 字 2021-04-21

医生说,哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。</p>

于是我气的就背过身去了。</p>

随即医生拿出个剪刀,把我伤口处的头发刷刷刷剪掉,剪完以后问我:</p>

“小伙儿,你去那镜子那儿看看,我剪得还行吧。”</p>

我当时看在他要给我缝针的份儿上没有骂。</p>

我说你缝吧没事儿我不要脸不太注意形象。</p>

医生说小伙子真是随性,然后把我脑袋一按,一针就给我穿过去了。</p>

我嗷一声大喊,就摆出这个姿态┗|‘o′|┛,医生曰现在年轻人真娇气。</p>

我说先别缝啊大夫停停停。</p>

他笑了一下,说,哎忍一忍就过去了,不疼的,然后给我又连缝两针。</p>

我只能忍着,汗流了一床单。</p>

两针过后医生说现在的大小伙子都跟女的似的,缝个针都叫唤,打了麻药还这么喊,你看床单都湿了。</p>

我用虚弱的声音骂道大夫再给我说一遍打麻药了。</p>

他反应过来原来从始至终都没给我打麻药,说啊没打啊。</p>

我说真他妈没上麻药。</p>

我俩沉默了半分钟。</p>

最后医生打破了沉默,说好的,你是个好小伙子。然后冲隔壁喊:小于缝针的这货的麻药你刚怎么没给我拿过来你个瓜怂。</p>

我一路翻着白眼出了医院,据在门口等我的我爸说,我背影落寞。我猜测,我的背影和街灯合在一起,就像刚刚知道自己怀孕的大学女生。</p>

第三个故事</p>

这个故事是关于虐人,以及复仇的,所以这是一个冰冷的故事。</p>

模仿《亲切的金子》,我叫他亲切的磊子。</p>

磊子高中时期长着一张很善良的脸,但他的家庭背景一点也不善良。</p>

貌似善良的他,总被自己班的老大欺负。</p>

我们知道,真在社会上混的学生,通常是不打自己学校孩子的主意的。所以磊子知道,其实这逼也没什么真实力。</p>

但磊子自己是个乖孩子,于是一直在默默忍受着这一切。</p>

最终有一天,磊子一早买了个煎饼果子,被老大抢了,导致了一切的爆发。</p>

磊子冲上前去,大喊一声:这他妈是最后一个夹油条的老子拍了一刻钟队!!</p>

随即磊子就被老大用煎饼果子拍脸上了,然后打了一顿。</p>

从那天起,磊子正式进入了黑手党行业。</p>

第二天,打算复仇的磊子制定了一个周密的计划。</p>

踩了两天点的他终于等到了老大一个人独自放学离开的那一刻。</p>

于是磊子上去直接一脚将老大踹下楼梯,撒腿就跑,藏在拐角看着楼下。</p>

看到老大痛苦的样子,磊子没忍住,放声大笑说哈哈哈傻逼你也有今天。</p>

结果乐极生悲,声音被识别了出来,就听见楼下传来痛苦的声音:“磊子明天给我等着。”</p>

磊子这一下慌了,感觉以后日子将生不如死。</p>

晚上,磊子向朋友问询策略,自古三秦大地民风彪悍,朋友说你要么就一次弄得他不敢再来惹你,要么你就得拉锯战了。</p>

磊子豁然开朗,又制定了一个周密的计划,给老大打电话曰明早六点半班里决战,单挑。</p>

六点半,老大如约而至,叫几个手下等在楼下就上楼了。</p>

藏在另一处的磊子看老大即将进班,打电话低声曰班里门没开,你我二人在楼下华山论剑。</p>

于是老大掉头下楼,结果刚迈下一阶楼梯,磊子以迅雷不及掩耳之势跑来又一脚,这下磊子踹的十分快准狠,老大直接飞了出去,然后翻滚下楼梯,磊子估摸着说这一定是要住院了,于是掉头回家,课都没上。</p>

自此以后磊子江湖号称飞毛腿,具体含义是当时那一脚实在太快,腿毛都飞了起来。</p>

第二天磊子打电话确定了老大已住院一事,于是,家庭背景一点也不善良的磊子终于向家里开口,携带打手若干,去医院登门拜访。</p>

他提着一篮子水果进了磊子的病房,一看,咦只有老大一个人,护士都没在。</p>

于是亲切的磊子当即表示要给老大剥个橘子吃。</p>

磊子亲切地问,大哥,小弟这知道自己错了,来看看您,您没事吧?</p>

老大看着磊子身后的人不好惹,忙曰,没事,没事。</p>

磊子问,没事是吧?</p>

老大怒点头。</p>

磊子脸色一变,向后挥手,大喊:“没事给我打到有事!!”</p>

多年后,与我结识的磊子给我讲了这个故事。</p>

他说,我就是要告诉你一个道理,敌人和女人都有一个共同点,一个要打服,一个要操服。</p>

我说那要是不服呢。</p>

磊子想了一下,说,那就一个打死,一个操死。</p>

我深以为然。</p>

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